Empty. That’s all to be had with any viewing of the train wreck, cockroach of a film that is Tom Six’s writing and directing attempt called “The Human Centipede: First Sequence.” Upon a single viewing of this film, it is guaranteed to be on your short-list of films that have no purpose to exist.
The basic premise of the film is two very dumb American girls backpacking and clubbing in Germany; their car tire flattens in the middle of nowhere on a dark and stormy night; and they find sanctuary in the creepy home of none other than Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), who so happens to be a renowned surgical doctor who is in the process of the ultimate medical challenge...
Are you ready for this?
To sew three human beings together into one digestive tract. A Human Centipede. That’s right! The goal is to sew three people together ass to mouth.
You get the idea…
Where does one start with this film? The story is absolute garbage. The problems all stem from Six. This film is being billed as a horror/comedy but this genius has no sense of what kind of film he wants to make, how to construct a single scare, how to tell a joke, but most importantly: He can NOT write or direct. The cinematography is actually not bad, but that dusty and green color-scheme needs to go. The story is predictably bad. Every twist and plot-point is a terrible cliché. Nobody does anything that even resembles a shred of human intelligence. By the last act, the film keeps giving us point twists that undercut everything the last scene had established. This frustrating aspect gives the film no resonance and you are just sitting there watching one painfully awkward scene after another. The film just feels like a half-assed frat boy joke that is stretched beyond the point of tastefulness and into a realm of complete blackness.
The main thrust of this film apart from it’s extreme set-piece, where an ugly and cruel gag-inducing moment is on the horizon, is the claim that this film is “100% Medically Accurate,” but by the time you get to the end of the second act you come to realize that the director is as full of it as the middle sequence of this human centipede. When you have a film and the kabuki performance from Laser as Dr. Hieter is, by leaps and bounds the strongest performance, your movie is in massive trouble. All the characters are one-directional, poorly acted, unlikable, and underdeveloped that you can’t emotionally connect to a single moment to the point that the only reaction to be had with this garbage is one’s gag reflex. Even when the actual human centipede appears onscreen, it’s bland and boring. The unforgivable thing is that the film just mean spirited and cruel to everyone in and outside the film. Sure everyone is drawn to see three people sewen together ass to mouth, but sometimes we as the audience think we may want to see something, but we don't know what we are asking ourselves.
"I want to see the Clone Wars!"
No you don't.
"I want to Hannibal Lector's childhood!"
No, you don't
"I want to actually see three people sewn together ass to mouth."
Please take this word of advice: No, you don't
People were fast to call films like “Hostel” and “Saw” torture porn, but at least those films had a morality tale, a humane message, and a resonace at the center of them, like a real horror film should! “The Human Centipede” Accomplishes nothing! There is nothing to offer from this viewing experience. This isn’t supposed to be enjoyed. It’s a gauntlet film. It’s the equivalent of a triple-dog dare on the schoolyard. If you are to put yourself through this agonizing experience, God Bless You and the only feeling you can look forward to boils to one word: EMPTY. If you find yourself on an airplane, be thankful that there is no way your airline, no matter how bad, will play “The Human Centipede: First Seqeunce” as your in-flight movie. Not because of the impending lawsuit from the extreme content or how bad the film is, but because of the high casualty mark from people trying to walk out of this film.
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